Pokemon Server Archive

Community Related => General Discussion => Stories => Topic started by: stuffjunk on April 09, 2013, 05:12:30 pm

Title: the pokemon story
Post by: stuffjunk on April 09, 2013, 05:12:30 pm
Once upon a time......thee end  :roflmao: so what do u think ;)



Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: oddy on April 09, 2013, 05:17:09 pm
Had me hanging on every word, Shakespeare himself couldn't live up to this
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: Paradox on April 10, 2013, 04:31:09 pm
Wow, I am in pure awe. I've never seen anyone use rhetoric in such a way to convey a purpose. Your sentence structure of short periodic sentences, juxtaposed to the elongated compound-complex sentence, is truly a work of novelty that I have yet to see to this day. The lack of imagery in every way possible is a great satirical comment on how black-and-white our lives really are. As a society, we need to wake up and "smell the coffee". You also made great use of ethos by establishing your tone as a leader so that the reader thought that they were going through the novelette with you rather than against you. The colloquialism of your jargon was also quite interesting but may be summarized as a cliche in certain aspects. Your logos of using a linear relationships (Start to end) was also very straightforward and thus easy to follow. And your ethos was simply amazing, I truly felt tied to the entire story. The overall tone also complimented the tension you created between your syntax. Truly a work of the ages. I find your use of ellipses very interesting as well, to contrast the lack of other general grammar. I can almost feel the tension.


10/10, would critique again.

Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: Frenzy_Monkey47 on April 10, 2013, 04:33:26 pm
U suck
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: stuffjunk on April 10, 2014, 11:53:36 am
Wow, I am in pure awe. I've never seen anyone use rhetoric in such a way to convey a purpose. Your sentence structure of short periodic sentences, juxtaposed to the elongated compound-complex sentence, is truly a work of novelty that I have yet to see to this day. The lack of imagery in every way possible is a great satirical comment on how black-and-white our lives really are. As a society, we need to wake up and "smell the coffee". You also made great use of ethos by establishing your tone as a leader so that the reader thought that they were going through the novelette with you rather than against you. The colloquialism of your jargon was also quite interesting but may be summarized as a cliche in certain aspects. Your logos of using a linear relationships (Start to end) was also very straightforward and thus easy to follow. And your ethos was simply amazing, I truly felt tied to the entire story. The overall tone also complimented the tension you created between your syntax. Truly a work of the ages. I find your use of ellipses very interesting as well, to contrast the lack of other general grammar. I can almost feel the tension.


10/10, would critique again.
I'm sure it would help your review alot if you knew I didn't know half the words you said LOL
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: Tenebrae on April 10, 2014, 11:57:35 am
10/10, would critique again.

I request another critique.
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: stuffjunk on April 10, 2014, 05:30:27 pm
 :p
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: ryan22424 on April 10, 2014, 09:02:17 pm
I have no words to express the stupidity of myself for wasting two seconds of my life on this...
The best two seconds of my life...
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: Colindeng2 on April 11, 2014, 03:13:50 am
Better than Shakespeare himself.
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: hobo4chompy on April 11, 2014, 04:41:03 am
A quantum super computer calculating for 1000 years could not even approach the numbers of heart attacks i had from each cliffhanger



Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: stuffjunk on April 11, 2014, 09:18:37 am
Wow that's awesome xD
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: stuffjunk on April 11, 2014, 09:20:36 am
One thing's for sure, it's a very different story isn't it :rotf:
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: ryan22424 on April 13, 2014, 08:54:48 pm
One thing's for sure, it's a very different story isn't it :rotf:
A very different story? Time will tell you the answers to the questions of life. Whether you are sitting on your wife's porch, or waiting for your son to stop hogging the shower.
Title: Re: the pokemon story
Post by: Sahaquiel_9 on April 13, 2014, 11:43:13 pm
 :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: so touching, I cried for 3 hours