Author Topic: the pokemon story  (Read 4245 times)

stuffjunk

  • Fighting Erika
  • *
  • Posts: 644
  • Friendliness: -12
  • the troll of the rainbow/Firefighter
the pokemon story
« on: April 09, 2013, 05:12:30 pm »
Once upon a time......thee end  :roflmao: so what do u think ;)



- FAIRFIELD RURAL FIREFIGHTER
- EX OLIVINE CO-LEADER, EX VERMILION LEADER, EX VIRIDIAN LEADER
- EX PIXELMON PEWTER LEADER(FIRST PIXELMON GYM LEADER EVER)
- CELADON LEADER
- JOHTO BUILDER, EX SINNOH BUILDER(cab era), KANTO 4.0 BUILDER, ORAS HOENN BUILDER

Ad...

oddy

  • Professor
  • Raiding Silph Co.
  • *****
  • Posts: 805
  • Friendliness: 32
  • Registered User
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2013, 05:17:09 pm »
Had me hanging on every word, Shakespeare himself couldn't live up to this
Where's the fire? What's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out.

Paradox

  • Professor
  • Fighting Giovanni
  • *****
  • Posts: 966
  • Friendliness: 39
  • Registered User
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2013, 04:31:09 pm »
Wow, I am in pure awe. I've never seen anyone use rhetoric in such a way to convey a purpose. Your sentence structure of short periodic sentences, juxtaposed to the elongated compound-complex sentence, is truly a work of novelty that I have yet to see to this day. The lack of imagery in every way possible is a great satirical comment on how black-and-white our lives really are. As a society, we need to wake up and "smell the coffee". You also made great use of ethos by establishing your tone as a leader so that the reader thought that they were going through the novelette with you rather than against you. The colloquialism of your jargon was also quite interesting but may be summarized as a cliche in certain aspects. Your logos of using a linear relationships (Start to end) was also very straightforward and thus easy to follow. And your ethos was simply amazing, I truly felt tied to the entire story. The overall tone also complimented the tension you created between your syntax. Truly a work of the ages. I find your use of ellipses very interesting as well, to contrast the lack of other general grammar. I can almost feel the tension.


10/10, would critique again.


Frenzy_Monkey47

  • Raiding TeamRocket in Celadon
  • *
  • Posts: 721
  • Friendliness: -45
  • mooooo.
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2013, 04:33:26 pm »
U suck

stuffjunk

  • Fighting Erika
  • *
  • Posts: 644
  • Friendliness: -12
  • the troll of the rainbow/Firefighter
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2014, 11:53:36 am »
Wow, I am in pure awe. I've never seen anyone use rhetoric in such a way to convey a purpose. Your sentence structure of short periodic sentences, juxtaposed to the elongated compound-complex sentence, is truly a work of novelty that I have yet to see to this day. The lack of imagery in every way possible is a great satirical comment on how black-and-white our lives really are. As a society, we need to wake up and "smell the coffee". You also made great use of ethos by establishing your tone as a leader so that the reader thought that they were going through the novelette with you rather than against you. The colloquialism of your jargon was also quite interesting but may be summarized as a cliche in certain aspects. Your logos of using a linear relationships (Start to end) was also very straightforward and thus easy to follow. And your ethos was simply amazing, I truly felt tied to the entire story. The overall tone also complimented the tension you created between your syntax. Truly a work of the ages. I find your use of ellipses very interesting as well, to contrast the lack of other general grammar. I can almost feel the tension.


10/10, would critique again.
I'm sure it would help your review alot if you knew I didn't know half the words you said LOL
- FAIRFIELD RURAL FIREFIGHTER
- EX OLIVINE CO-LEADER, EX VERMILION LEADER, EX VIRIDIAN LEADER
- EX PIXELMON PEWTER LEADER(FIRST PIXELMON GYM LEADER EVER)
- CELADON LEADER
- JOHTO BUILDER, EX SINNOH BUILDER(cab era), KANTO 4.0 BUILDER, ORAS HOENN BUILDER

Tenebrae

  • Sinnoh/Unova Head Builder
  • Professor
  • Fighting Agatha
  • *****
  • Posts: 7604
  • Friendliness: 105
  • Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate :D
    • Bandcamp
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2014, 11:57:35 am »
10/10, would critique again.

I request another critique.

stuffjunk

  • Fighting Erika
  • *
  • Posts: 644
  • Friendliness: -12
  • the troll of the rainbow/Firefighter
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2014, 05:30:27 pm »
 :p
- FAIRFIELD RURAL FIREFIGHTER
- EX OLIVINE CO-LEADER, EX VERMILION LEADER, EX VIRIDIAN LEADER
- EX PIXELMON PEWTER LEADER(FIRST PIXELMON GYM LEADER EVER)
- CELADON LEADER
- JOHTO BUILDER, EX SINNOH BUILDER(cab era), KANTO 4.0 BUILDER, ORAS HOENN BUILDER

ryan22424

  • Fighting Lt. Surge
  • *
  • Posts: 406
  • Friendliness: -6
  • Wat
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2014, 09:02:17 pm »
I have no words to express the stupidity of myself for wasting two seconds of my life on this...
The best two seconds of my life...
Read my stories!

]

Colindeng2

  • Underground Passage-Vertical
  • *
  • Posts: 244
  • Friendliness: -4
  • The True Innovater
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2014, 03:13:50 am »
Better than Shakespeare himself.

hobo4chompy

  • Fighting Your Rival
  • ***
  • Posts: 947
  • Friendliness: 1
  • The Lemon Law Its A Real Thing
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2014, 04:41:03 am »
A quantum super computer calculating for 1000 years could not even approach the numbers of heart attacks i had from each cliffhanger






stuffjunk

  • Fighting Erika
  • *
  • Posts: 644
  • Friendliness: -12
  • the troll of the rainbow/Firefighter
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2014, 09:18:37 am »
Wow that's awesome xD
- FAIRFIELD RURAL FIREFIGHTER
- EX OLIVINE CO-LEADER, EX VERMILION LEADER, EX VIRIDIAN LEADER
- EX PIXELMON PEWTER LEADER(FIRST PIXELMON GYM LEADER EVER)
- CELADON LEADER
- JOHTO BUILDER, EX SINNOH BUILDER(cab era), KANTO 4.0 BUILDER, ORAS HOENN BUILDER

stuffjunk

  • Fighting Erika
  • *
  • Posts: 644
  • Friendliness: -12
  • the troll of the rainbow/Firefighter
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2014, 09:20:36 am »
One thing's for sure, it's a very different story isn't it :rotf:
- FAIRFIELD RURAL FIREFIGHTER
- EX OLIVINE CO-LEADER, EX VERMILION LEADER, EX VIRIDIAN LEADER
- EX PIXELMON PEWTER LEADER(FIRST PIXELMON GYM LEADER EVER)
- CELADON LEADER
- JOHTO BUILDER, EX SINNOH BUILDER(cab era), KANTO 4.0 BUILDER, ORAS HOENN BUILDER

ryan22424

  • Fighting Lt. Surge
  • *
  • Posts: 406
  • Friendliness: -6
  • Wat
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2014, 08:54:48 pm »
One thing's for sure, it's a very different story isn't it :rotf:
A very different story? Time will tell you the answers to the questions of life. Whether you are sitting on your wife's porch, or waiting for your son to stop hogging the shower.
Read my stories!

]

Sahaquiel_9

  • Entering Lavender Town
  • ****
  • Posts: 512
  • Friendliness: -23
  • Lakweesha Muthafuckinisha Jones
Re: the pokemon story
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2014, 11:43:13 pm »
 :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: so touching, I cried for 3 hours
Former Viridian and Celadon City leader

Come on, Satan! Let's get sickening!